The Toddler Up and Down

As a mom of two toddlers (well, one is almost four but whatever), I know all about ups and down. Living with a toddler is like riding the world’s craziest roller coaster all day long. You’re just never sure when that drop is going to come. You know it’s coming, but you can’t ever predict what’s going to send your toddler (and yourself) careening down that peak and around the corner until you suddenly stop and either start giggling or crying. Heck, if you’re at my house, the toddler is probably in their room crying while I’m in the kitchen laughing at how I’m totally in over my head.

Yes, ups and downs.

But this post is not about that kind of up and down. No. This post is about the kind of up and down I used to get before I had kids. You know, I used to be quite fit. Forget modesty. I had a pretty banging bod (the strong, athletic type with a nice ol’ booty). I didn’t have a six-pack, but I had defined abs. So I used to get the ‘up and down’ from guys relatively frequently. I’m pretty sure all women know what I’m talking about when I say “That guy gave you the up and down.” (If you don’t know what I mean, it’s basically watching a guy check you out from head to tow; you can literally see his head go up and down as he surveys your bod.)

Well, to be honest, I don’t get the up and down much anymore (except from my husband). Two kids and a knee surgery this past fall has messed with my physique (but I’m working on it). But this is a story about how my one-and-half year old son, Mac, gave me the up and down…and laughed.

I wasn’t going to write this, but when I told my husband about it he laughed and laughed and asked if I’d put it on Facebook. No. Did I blog about it? No. And that’s when I realized it’s more funny than embarrassing, so here we go.

We live in a tiny apartment with one bathroom. We almost always leave the bathroom door open because, with little kids, I want to be able to hear what’s going on. However, this also means they get to see us going potty, etc. (I’m pretty sure that’s how my daughter was potty trained at 2, though, so I’ll take it). Well, on this day I sat my kids in front of the television so I could take a shower. As soon as I got out of the shower, I heard my son running down the hall way to the bathroom. No big deal. He walks in on me all the time and he’s young enough that it doesn’t make a difference.

Except on this day, he DID notice a difference.

As I dried myself off, I saw him give me the ‘up and down.’ And then he started laughing! My one year old was standing there, giggling at his naked, stretch marked, saggy boobed mom! Ok, I’m sure that’s not what he was thinking, but it’s what I was thinking.

And that’s not the end of it. Then he started pointing at…well, you know. Like all of a sudden he realized I was different from him…and he thought it was hilarious. OMG. I started laughing, too, but only because I was so uncomfortable that my one year old son was STARING and LAUGHING at his naked mom. He laughed at the things he used to eat from (and dragged down to uncertain anonymity) and he laughed at…well, you know…that other part, just because it was different from his! (ok, I doubt that last part is true because he laughs at himself, too, but you get my drift).

I quickly covered up and kicked him out of the bathroom and shut the door to finish getting ready. He didn’t even bang on the door and scream to get back in! Apparently, he was wholly satisfied with the show he got in the bathroom and giggled happily back to his cartoons.

This was one of THOSE moments. You know, those moments where you realize you can’t keep doing the same thing with your kids because they are growing and changing…and noticing! I will still let him bathe with his sister, but no more am I going to change in front of that little mean perv.

Up and down. THOSE moments. Toddlerbomb.


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